I’ve just had my mom and cousin spend a few days with me. My mom had to come up for a Grandparents day at the school. My mom is not a conventional Grandmother. She doesn’t own a tea set, doily or any Moondrops or Vanderbilt perfume. Or anything with a lavender scent. Bless her.
She is a young granny. 61 years of age. She probably swears a tad too much and is an absolute drama queen.
My cousin has just found out that she’s pregnant. She worked on the cruise liners for 5 years and met a man, fell in love and made a baby. Very complicated. By all accounts he seems very keen to be in her and the child’s life and phones and emails on a daily basis all the way from Mexico or on the cruise liners if he’s on a contract. My cousin is pure of heart. A really good person that spends a lot of her time preserving good energy and seeking calmness. A complete feathery stroker. Semi-precious stone, crystals, natural healer kinda gal. She will walk out of a room if she feels a negative energy and will only enter when she feels the positive energy return. Her feathery stroker nonsense goes COMPLETELY over my and John’s head. We accommodate it and tolerate it in the house because she is seriously a good person.
Unfortunately, babies have a tendencies to knock the bullshit out of anything. They center you with no pomp or ceremony or warning. They are relentless and demanding of you. They allow you to dream and romantacise whilst you are pregnant and then have the ability to jolt you with reality when they are born. They pummel and mould you into being the best mom that you can possibly be. They suck the memory out of you and fade everything around you into insignificance so that all you think about is them and all you do…. is for them.
But besides all this adjustment and difference, my cousin is in for the best ride of her life. The best joy. The best love. The best that life will throw at her. I wish her luck…and I’m so happy for her.
Have just come in from the office. The owner is doing a bit of a revamp there. It looks like a pigsty. I lingered a bit and then took the first opportunity to duck. If I don’t need to work in a mess then I won’t. I abhor disorder. So now I’m sitting at home, both kids at school, husband farming. It’s quiet and calm, and it’s unnerving not to have any kids around. I have a million things I need to do and two places to be at once.
This afternoon I’m tackling Aidan’s bear suit for Goldilocks and the three bears. He’s Pappa Bear and the first show is on Wednesday. The other mothers are in earnest preparation. There’s a determined gleam in some of their eyes. Mothers are a whole other topic. I could write pages and pages of amusing anecdotes. But I’ll restrain myself as this is a blog and I know I’ll exaggerate a few stories to appear amusing. That’ll be like sticking my hand and arm into a hornets nest. Seriously….who would be so stupid?
The last few days have had me mulling over something. What makes some people thin and some people fat? Others can eat what they like and others(like me) look at food and gain a few kilograms. Obviously the intake versus excercise, blah blah bladhee blah thiny-ma-jig comes into effect. I KNOW that, so don’t be a wise ass!
But why are some people, like my sisters, born with a gene that makes them more aware of what they eat? I eat now and worry later. Why does it not concern me in the way that it should and in a way that should spur me into action to do something about it? What is that? This issue has concerned me for years. Not the weight issue as much as the nonchalant issue!
Today I put on about 6 different outfits before I went back to the first one I tried on. I still wasn’t happy with the outcome. I felt uncomfortable the whole day and self-conscious. In a nutshell, I let a pair of crappy fitting jeans dictate my opinion about myself and my outlook on the day.
The thing with weight is that it’s an external encumbrance. Out there for the whole world to see. Out for everybody to judge and form an opinion on. It’s not a fragility that is hidden. It’s out there to be whipped and flogged by everybody that cares to. It’s there to fuel my relentless self loathing and to vex me constantly.
Every week I subject myself to failure at my weekly weighing sessions. Sometimes it’s fine and I lose weight, but more often than not, I don’t. What other person takes their personal failure and exposes it to the world for public ridicule? Not many I’m sure…….
This year I hired some office space for my framing showroom in a local dorpie. Molls goes to school there twice a week and it’s too far to do two round trips in one morning. I would also go dilly sitting around doing nothing, so hence the opportunity arose to entertain myself whilst working. I must just tell you that I really enjoy what I do…..sometimes. Like any career choice, job, project etc, it has its pain in the ass moments. Like when someone doesn’t want to spend money on a better frame when it only costs a couple of rands more. Although I must say….that I’d rather have something framed then lying curling up in a drawer someplace gathering dust.
At the moment we’re sanding floors in the office. It’s just dust and years and years of gross smells from the carpet getting fluffed about. I work with two amazing women. Both with very interesting lives and histories and both have integrity and great stories to tell. They work in the two front offices in the Estate Agency. We drink coffee together most mornings and then we all go our merry way to do our work. Our ages all span 15 years apart. That’s the beauty of a small town. One socialises with all ages.
So on a Monday and Wednesday morning I drag both my kids out of bed. Dress them, feed them etc. Drop one off nearby and then drive 50kms to the nearest town for work and school. It took some getting used to I tell you. I was a complete lady of leisure last year.
I enjoy the different town, different conversation and change of scenery….
Now, at the moment I’m feeling odd. Am exhausted due to late night hunting and VERY early morning rising to continue the hunting. The farmer doesn’t believe in doing things quietly and efficiently. I’m a light sleeper and wake up so quickly. So now I’m bloody grumpy. Feel like I’ve emerged from the twilight zone. Tough luck for me. Work still goes on. Need to catch up on framing. The work is piling in and I don’t like getting behind. That’s always a nightmare.
Have to be chirpy and enthusiastic for the kids, staff and anyone else I may see. BUT, all I want is to be book myself in some where calm and quiet. Like at the sea. Yes, somewhere with a seaview and the sun baking me as I lie in a hammock listening to jazz or blues or reggae or french-type music or light opera. Music that transports me and feeds my soul. There must be no-one around and I must feel safe. I must only have sashimi, smoked salmon, or medium rare steak to eat. With nice fresh vegies or rocket salads I’ve picked from the garden. Someone must come in early and clean up and set the table for breakfast with magnificent fruit platters, FRESHLY squeezed orange juice and warm croissants with real salted butter. I’ll catch up on my sleep on and off the whole day, swim and stretch out on the hammock with a delicious cocktail.
Now that’s bliss and worth dreaming about…..
So the little Hansie lamb is getting big now and growing everyday. She gets to drink a special lamb formula that we buy from our local agricultural co-op.
I grew up on a farm and so sometimes take life for granted here. My little chap asked me this week why the “Wild Horse” has gone to our neighbours? Molly’s horse Stardust has got a companion horse that is rather wild and bedondered. The “Wild Thing” has gone a walkabout as there are some mares in season next door. Good riddance I say, but never mind. I told him that he went visiting. “Oh” replies the 6 year old, “has he gone to mate with the other horses to make some babies?”. I was a little taken aback I must be honest. But really, we do live on a farm that lambs down twice a year and calving is a common occurence too! Did I seriously think think Aidan wouldn’t notice? I was impressed with his matter of fact outlook on it all.
A friend came for tea on Thursday for my birthday. In the space of a few minutes, Lamb wee-ed and pooed bok drolls all over my kitchen floor and while sipping tea in the lounge I heard a subtle squawk and had to shoo two silky cocks and hens out from behind the curtain. Sigh…… You must understand that this ONLY happens when there are visiting witnesses. K and I collapsed with laughter. She’s also a fellow farmers’ wife. (I’ve also just re-carpeted and hung new curtains!)
The joys of living on a farm….
Yesterday I finished reading Room. Really great. I sprained my ankle slightly so had an excellent excuse to veg on the bed and I took FULL advantage and read and read whilst the nanny took the kids for a walk with the dogs and the Hans lamb. Most peaceful.
I weighed yesterday morning and STAYED the same. The second week in a row. WTH? Most affronted and bemused about that, I thought Weigh-Lady was going to explode. You see I should be losing at least 1-2kg per week.
Anyhow…am building up the birthday excitement in the house… I think John is quiet fed-up with all my questions and hints. He always takes it in good grace though and panders to all my drama!