Fat bitchin’ session!

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The last few days have had me mulling over something. What makes some people thin and some people fat? Others can eat what they like and others(like me) look at food and gain a few kilograms. Obviously the intake versus excercise, blah blah bladhee blah thiny-ma-jig comes into effect. I KNOW that, so don’t be a wise ass!

But why are some people, like my sisters, born with a gene that  makes them more aware of what they eat? I eat now and worry later. Why does it not concern me in the way that it should and in a way that  should spur me into action to do something about it? What is that? This issue has concerned me for years. Not the weight issue as much as the nonchalant issue!

Today I put on  about 6 different outfits before I went back to the first one I tried on. I still wasn’t happy with the outcome. I felt uncomfortable the whole day and self-conscious. In a nutshell, I let a pair of crappy fitting jeans dictate my opinion about myself and my outlook on the day.

The thing with weight is that it’s an external encumbrance. Out there for the whole world to see. Out for everybody to judge and form an opinion on. It’s not a fragility that is hidden. It’s out there to be whipped and flogged by everybody that cares to.  It’s there to fuel my relentless self loathing and to vex me constantly.

Every week I subject myself to failure at my weekly weighing sessions. Sometimes it’s fine and I lose weight, but more often than not, I don’t. What other person takes their personal failure and exposes it to the world for public ridicule? Not many I’m sure…….

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One response »

  1. I know what you mean, I often wonder about how the brain deals with this differently in some, as opposed to others. I look in the mirror, and, on the whole think, I look marvellous, and then see the scale and can’t quite tie up the numbers to the picture, kinda like a reverse anorexia. So it makes it difficult to motivate myself. Although, currently 4 months since Thandi’s arrival, the mirror is telling me I need to take action, and the brain is begining to believe it too.

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