facebook status, no chocolate and vulgarity………

Standard

Today is a bad day. Feeling a tad miz and hard done by. You know that feeling when you think everyone around you is talking about you and is taking advantage of you.

When in actual fact, no-one is. My husband always says that when everything and everyone is a problem, YOU must be the problem coz you’re the common denominator. I think he could be right. Annoyingly practical as ever.

You see, it’s simple in my life. I get depressed, I eat chocolate, I cope with the shite life deals out! But at the moment I’ve given up chocolate for Lent. I’m not even Catholic, I’m Methodist. But at the time it seemed the cool thing to put as my status on facebook.  I stupidly announced it! And everyone knows I’m a chocoholic and so they’re waiting for me to slip up and starting cramming chocolates down my throat. But I won’t on principle. Just to show everyone whose boss. Just to show everyone who their Mamma is.

facebook can be so boring. Especially all those motivational messages. Get a life people! Where are the interesting statuses?

For example, I think should statuses should read:

Joan Webb is feeling soooooooooo horny at the moment.

Sing-Lu Wang had the biggest smelliest poo, EVA and feels a million times better!

Margot Bartlett  is super annoyed with her kids and would like to trade them in. She is especially sick to death of all this baking and project making that school entails!

Renesme Cullum can’t believe how crap Betty Jones looked in that dress? Can her arse get any bigger?

Francine Cummings would like to tell her Mother-in-law to Fak off and take her fack-wit off a son with her!

Andrea Jones has a bruised vagina from all the angry sex she had last night

Terri Lange is lying in a post coital blissful haze …..

Jeff Nevay is keen for a blowjob tonight

Ah well, some of these are a bit below the belt. But well, it’s a more interesting than boring motivational post-its!!!!!

(all names are fictional and a figment of my imagination)……….

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8 responses »

  1. Hahaaa!! You’re right, that would make FB soo much more interesting although to be honest some of my friends tend to put that stuff anyway. Not so much about the sex but definitely about the poos – can’t say it enriches my life in any intellectual way but it makes me laugh. Sad but true.

  2. I love to laugh, so it’s worth it. I was chatting to a friend and mentioned that my blog posts are sometimes a bit vulgar. But, I think it’s coz I live in a farming community and it’s my way of rebbelling!

  3. This post is so funny, i tweeted “when everything and everyone is a problem, YOU must be the problem coz you’re the common denominator. ‘ I gave the necessary credit to your hubby you can check it out @fancyfunshy because it is so so so so true

  4. From your lips to the facebook gods ears …. if only people would post what is actually happening, and not the “saccharine” drivel version.

    According to what I read everyone has the best baby who sleeps like a dream, they love their husbands stukend, and well life could not be better …. I am deeply envious of these people and their trite lives.

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