So I’ve lost my mojo. Writers block. and I’ve not understood why? Until just now. Driving back home on the long road after a few consults with framing. This is why:
I like to save the World. I do. I like to match make and solve the world’s problems. And lately with Molly at her new school I’ve had to adjust to some of the backgrounds some of the kids in her class come from. Some of them come from huge poor, poor families, one little boy gets dondered around by his mom. And it’s tough for me. I just want to save them all. I want to step in and cuddle them and take them all home with me.
But you see, the thing is, is that you can’t save them all. In fact you can probably not save any. It’s so hard to accept this. And so I pray for these kids. I pray so hard for their safety and their future.
We are so surrounded by ugliness towards children. Raping 2 year olds, burning babies down in shacks, hungry children and it breaks my heart. It does. It cripples me and I can barely function with the helplessness of it all.
So I’ve hardened myself to all of this. I’m trying to. I can help in little ways. A smile, a hug, bags of old clothes given to safe houses.
And then I’ll come home to my two, who are loved and disciplined, and fed and clothed and bloody spoiled rotten.
All this has swirled around in my head for weeks now. I can’t save the world. Or the rhinos. or all the helpless abused dogs floating around facebook. Or the little boy who lost his leg after the Boston Bombing. Some things just are.
I have to distance myself, and choose happy stories, help when I can, harden myself when I can’t and live.
Live a happy life.
How divine! Celeste over at The Reluctant Mom’s Blog http://reluctantmom.wordpress.com/ had a book to give away written by another blogger. We had to email our postal addresses and then wait for about 10 weeks for the result. Well actually it was 4 days but it felt like 10 weeks. For me it was about winning. Laughing until you urinate in your Jockey broeks whilst reading the book is just an added bonus.
Celeste says it’s funny, so I’m looking forward to that. Feel so overwhelmed and consumed at the moment by external influences. And a tad sorry for myself. Truth be told, I think John and I just need a right jolly rough and ready rogering session! That should make us feel like two new pennies.
How exciting………..thanks Celeste. You’re a good girl, you are!
Yesterday arvie I made myself popcorn and rented The Life Of Pi on Box Office and quietly licked my wounds in private. Always horrible taking your child back to school after a holiday. I moped around with a long face and felt totally and utterly sorry for myself.
But today was a new day and I worked like a slave framing and catching up. Tomorrow is a HUGE delivery. Once tomorrow is over I can breathe a sigh of relief and tackle the next job. Framing 6 rugby jerseys, oils, sketches and photographs.
Molls is enjoying all the attention once again and basking in all its glory. Very quick to catch on to that!
Thursday is Art Class. Working on a landscape in oils. I go to art class while Molls is at school. So far I’m enjoying it. Very glad to have a vibrant, kind teacher who prods me along. The women are very talented that I do art class with. John wants me to rather go to gym, but I told him that art class is MY TIME and NO-ONE IS TAKING IT AWAY FROM ME!! His eyes widened at my vehemence! He hasn’t brought it up again.
Autumn is definitely here. Lizzie has been raking up leaves for a few weeks already. Poor thing. She rakes and rakes and rakes and the next morning arrives to find more leaves on the lawn and has to rake again. The joys of this time of the year.
To say I’m in a bad mood this morning is putting it mildly. I’ve hardly slept the last 4 nights. 2 due to entertaining guests, 1 from a 21st that went on quiet late and last night from all the snoring from You Know Who and waking up early!
Aidan is back at school. He was absolutely fine this morning.
The holiday went by very quickly. We had a constant stream of guests. I don’t want to see bacon and eggs for a loooooooooooong while.
John and I both enjoy having people over. We love chatting over a glass of wine or coffee. Going for drives or walks on the farm and just the general company. But it’s nice when the times up and they drive off and you can be a family again. and eat toast for supper.
I’m sure I heard Molly say ‘how are you” yesterday. Or rather the sounds and intonation of the words. I was floored. On the up, for her, is that she can walk down stairs now. On the down for John and I, we have no more: “No Molly Zone” in our TV room. No more hiding away and pretending we dont have kids! ****sigh**** sigh**** sigh****. Bit of a bitch really. She used to stand at the top of the stairs and groan or make sounds to call us. It always gave us time to pack away our sneaky chocolates or treats we were eating. Now we have about 30 seconds to hide things!
ahhh the joys…
I really have been scarce haven’t I?
I just haven’t felt the urge to write on my blog. I have been writing though and saving it on a special folder in my documents.
I need to be frank and truthful when I write and sometimes writing on a blog, one doesn’t even know who’s reading it and that’s unsettling for me. Also sometimes you may need to vent and be all melancholy for a moment. But someone close to you may read it and be all horrified and freaked and start gazing at you with knowing eyes. eeeeuuugh!
So I’m here. My heart is still beating. I’m actually busy.So busy that some nights I collapse into bed buggered. No time for reading and no time for sex. A few weeks back, I was so inundated with work that I was paralysed in fear and rendered immobile. But the moment passed and I took two Rescue pills(as per MJ) and calmed down and carried on. You have to be told sometimes. Pity she can’t get it right to inspire me to lose weight. (I challenge you MJ!)
Countess Kaz is back in the saddle again!