Monthly Archives: June 2014

7 facts about me…..

Standard

Thanks to http://charliesbird.wordpress.com/2014/06/27/an-award/ for this award.

We drove to Natal for the weekend to visit family and it gave me ample time to think of  7 facts about myself . But, what I was going to write on Friday has changed somewhat.

7 Facts about me.

  1. I want to write one day
  2. I swear too much.
  3. I wish I had more children.
  4. I wish I had a house in town with an unlimited budget where I could decorate it as I pleased without John’s interference. Just a personal space for me. With no kids, no husband, no pets allowed. My space. Books lying everywhere. Smoked salmon in the fridge. Chocolates in cupboards. Surround sound music. Awesome pool loungers.
  5. Loyality is everything to me. I’m fiercely loyal to those I love.
  6. The older I get, the less friends I have, yet the more sincere the friends I have, are.
  7. I’m opinionated and love to give advice
Advertisements

A letter to my dear friend,

Standard

Dear N,

it all seems confusing now. You can’t even imagine ever feeling happy and relaxed again. But, I promise you it gets better. It takes years but you start believing in good again.

 

In a while, it may be a long while,  you will see that this painful part of your life will also be the making of who you are. This depth of pain will also afford you the same depth in appreciation and joy.

Let me explain. While others around you see things simply . Your pain which has stripped you of naively taking things for granted, will have sharpened your senses, heightened your sense of  appreciation.  I use this word appreciation over and over again. You will appreciate everything that others around you take for granted. You see, you have stared ugliness in the face. You have faced death head on. You have had pain and despair choking you as their hands tightened their grip around your throat.

It’s when you realize that you have been handed the greatest gift of all, which is appreciation, when you begin the long journey to healing. You will never be completely healed, for a part of you has been damaged. Damages are not necessary bad. Damage can provide clarity and visual sight that no one else can see. Only those that have seen inside Pandora’s box, have been given the gift of sight.

 

So I pray a speedy recovery for your little girl. I pray for healing for your bruised heart.

I pray for laughter to bubble out of you. I pray for you to be doubled up in mirth at something funny, to be able to watch a sunset and not worry what tomorrow will bring.

This I pray for you.

love

Countesskaz

life as it happens..

Standard

It’s been a while since written anything on my blog. I’ve been out living life and well… not really needing the venting vehicle of blogging.

In the past few months I’ve written 5 exams through UNISA which I’ve absolutely adored. I’ve enjoyed the mental stimulation and the slow cranking of cogs in my brain. Very rusty cogs I might add. But so much fun, so much added pressure and so much fulfilment. I might, I haven’t decided yet, do a few more in the second semester. I have until the 17th July to decide.

Also keeping me busy, is my little Molls, who has blossomed lately into a rather bossy little girl. She has become very assertive and communicating exactly what she wants from us. All of this done with the exclusion of words, which at times frustrates her no end when we don’t quite get what she means or wants. We ask questions and point and eventually we arrive at a solution. I’m enjoying this new phase of her life and find it more rewarding as her mom.

Aidan has kept us very busy with rugby and hockey matches. Oh, and the odd piano recital. I get such a kick when I say that phrase; piano recital. Lyska, can you picture it? hee hee. He asked me for R30 for his Eisteddford entry fee. I was tickled pink.

I do have to remind Aidan constantly that school is for learning too and not just for sport. There are so many “braggy” stories I could relate about Aidan but…I’m not that kind of mom. and well….I have to move on now or else I’ll succumb to the “boasting bug”.

I’ve just done a gel French manicure on my hands. Its hardy and my hands look fabulous. I framed the whole day yesterday and not a chip or scuff on my nails. Well worth the R160 and half an hour of my time. Sister, I will be back.

So many personal things have happened in the last few months. Some good and some painful. Like watching my dear friends go through the pain of watching their daughter have chemo for her cancer.

The painful celebration of her first birthday that was bittersweet. I cried 3 times on her birthday. I understood the pain of having to celebrate a child’s birthday but on so many other levels feeling sad too. The sadness stemming from what could have been, or what should be. Birthdays with Molly are often nostalgic and sad for me. So I totally got the mixed emotions of her 1st birthday. They (my friends) wisely celebrated the next day after being discharged from hospital and celebrated without the added pressure of chemo.

Little E has provided such a benchmark in my everyday life. If I suffer I then ask myself, “are you suffering like little E?”. Something bad happens and I ask myself the same question.

There is so much ugliness in this World I sometimes battle to grasp it all. But the truth is….it will always be there. It will never go away and there is always someone , somewhere seeing more REAL ugliness than you.

and I guess that’s the battle. The true sign of strength. The true sign of a winner. Is the person that sees goodness despite all the bad. Despite things going wrong.

The battle of getting up in the morning and seeing something positive. Making someone smile. Talking politely to someone that may or may not deserve respect. Seeing goodness and appreciating what we have.

Appreciating what we have.

I went to the loo in the middle of the night last week, you know….the night it was freezing in the Eastern Cape, Thursday night I think,  and I remember jumping into bed and snuggling under my down duvet with my electric blanket and thinking, I’m so blessed to be in a warm bed, next to a sexy man, in a warm house. Imagine being out in the cold without warmth and shelter?

Happy Wednesday all. I have Bookclub today and have a lovely day planned.