It seems that I reached a milestone on Friday. Sitting at a friends moms’ funeral. The said friend and I haven’t been close in many years. There’s always been an underlying unspoken issue. In all honesty I never knew what it was. But on Friday morning I think I sort of understood. When we were 19, I went on to study and she went to work. We both made new lives and new friends. I had a jol and she worked 8-5. That’s when the divide started. Resentment on her part. It’s always confused me.
I’m not innocent. That’s what hit me. I became snobbish… and while I sat there the realisation hit me and I felt ashamed. Its tough looking back at mistakes you’ve made and it shamed me.
But that’s life. Friends come and go. The older you get, the more precious your friends. The fewer the friends and more precious.
For me, I find letting go of friends the most difficult. When you lose that mutual connection and you’ve moved on and they’ve moved on. I really battle to understand and accept that.
Many women go through life without the need for friends but for me it’s one of the things that drive me. Female company. I love it and need it. I think it comes from having sisters and lots of female cousins.
There are no more complicated friendships than school friendships. Breaking that role you played or how people perceived you. I’m still working out that one.
The older I get, the more I realise how flipping complicated I am. ‘Struth!