Friendship is a circle in a never ending spiral

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It seems that I reached a milestone on Friday. Sitting at a friends moms’ funeral. The said friend and I haven’t been close in many years. There’s always  been an underlying unspoken issue. In  all honesty I never knew what it was. But on Friday morning I think I sort of understood. When  we were 19, I went on to study and she went to work. We both made new lives and new friends. I had a jol and she worked 8-5. That’s when the divide started. Resentment on her part. It’s always confused me.

I’m not innocent. That’s what hit me. I became snobbish… and while I sat there the realisation hit me and I felt ashamed. Its tough looking back at mistakes you’ve made and it shamed me.

But that’s life. Friends come and go. The older you get, the more precious your friends. The fewer the friends and more precious.

For me, I find letting go of friends the most difficult. When you lose that mutual connection and you’ve moved on and they’ve moved on. I really battle to understand and accept that.

Many women go through life without the need for friends but for me it’s one of the things that drive me. Female company. I love it and need it. I think it comes from having sisters and lots of female cousins.

There are no more complicated friendships than school friendships. Breaking that role you played or how people perceived you. I’m still working out that one.

The older I get, the more I realise how flipping complicated I am. ‘Struth!

 

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7 responses »

  1. She lives! And writes! Yip, friendships are funny old things. In the end I keep coming back to a core group of girls I have known forever, like since we were 5. There’s a lot more fluidity in friendships which start when one is older, I find.

  2. I think that school friendships are the best – uncomplicated and happy – who cares what we were then – arent you always happy to see and remember your school buddies?

  3. Wow! A post! I am still grieving my tow best friends that moved so far away – one to Canada and one to Oz. But I do seem to have found some new ones in the last while and am trying to treasure them

  4. Yay that you are back!! You couldn’t be more right. I have found that my friend circle is filled with liked minded people. Somehow I have managed to weed out the “hard work” people. Life is just too short for me to surround myself with them xxx

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