Tag Archives: boobs

See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya- Jack McFarlane

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This weekend we are going up the Wild Coast. Looking forward to the break and the lie-ins. We are taking our nannies for this very reason. All the moms made this pact a while ago. The nannies LOVE it! The en-suite bathrooms, 4 course meals, white fluffy towels and coffee and tea on tap. My nanny is AWESOME, but she’s very rural. She refuses to drink out of the white mans modern china or eat off the crockery and so tucks her Country Fresh 2 Litre ice-cream dish under her arm and her kommetjtie (enamel cup) and uses them at every meal. Her kindness and patience with my children overshadows my shallow embarrassment at such inappropriate behaviour. At the end of the day who actually cares? She usually endears herself to all the waitering staff and has them rallying around her by the end of the weekend.

I personally plan to drink my favourite Nederburg Duet while admiring the sea-view. I know, I know, Nederburg Duet is funny duddy but I love it. No Fat Bastard or any other for me. I’ve  bought a new costume that I will not be showing to anyone in public. It’s black and criss-crosses across my boobs in a vice-gripping fashion. No slipping under the elastic for the twins I’m afraid! They’re up and out and exposed for all the world to see. I can honestly say that I have a SPLENDID  cleavage.

So on this note I leave you……. In the words of the GREATEST queen this century as EVER seen, Jack McFarlane from Will and Grace, “See Ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!”

Did I tell you about the time…

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Did I tell you about the time I had my bust measured? My mom calls them bosoms, maramachunga’s.(say ma-ra-mu-chung-ga-s). I walked into the little cubicle a sheepish 44 DD. That size is bad enough…..until….she announced my…… “it”. I say announce because I think residents and shoppers alike might have heard the woman 3 suburbs away. In fact it echo-ed and resonated throughout the shopping centre: “EEEEEEEEE….EEEEEEEEE.EEEEEEEEEEEE!” Yes, a mortifying 44E! I mean who has boobs that size? (Clearly me…)

It took me a cool half hour of shell shocked embaressment to come to my senses. It is now 44E….. E for ecstasy! That’s what I tell anyone if they may ask, per chance, one fine evening or one fine summers day.