I’ve been panic eating lately.Panicking because I can’t seem to lose weight, panicking because I’ve got very low self-esteem about my body and feel disillusioned over the recent dietary failures.
I lay in the bath on Saturday and prayed. Quietly. A sense of calm came over me.
I just stopped the berating. Stopped the hate. Stopped panicking and I thought to myself…calm down. Just start again. Stop being so hard on yourself. Just start again.
Just focus on the diet and the treadmill. Three to Four times a week. Leave the toning for a while.
Just keep calm. The more one does, the more one has an increased chance of failing and the more one feels a failure if one fails. (if you know what I mean). So that’s my plan. Keep calm. One thing at a time. To slowly, slowly catch the bloody monkey!!!!
It’s unbelievable how much I procrastinate. Truth be told I probably have too many irons in the fire at the moment.
- cerebral palsy child to try stimulate
- 6 old years olds school run and extra murals
- a new business that keeps me quiet busy
- admin and office work for my husband
- sunday school teacher
- school manager for our farm school
- treasurer for our farm school (paperwork immense for the Dept of Ed) and for my son’s school (minimal)
- keep my house and garden in ship-shape (whatever!!!!)
- try to diet and exercise and combat stress and look good and wash my hair and shave my legs( I really hate shaving…I abhor waxing even more)
- book in for facials, pedi’s, mani’s hair etc
- make sure kids and hubby eat healthily
- pay off a flat I’ve just bought recently
- keep up with a killer social life. (farming community’s are always busy)
- these are just a few I’ve mentioned….still more that I can’t think of at the moment)
As soon as I’m stressed out I turn to eating. I was going to say snacking, but it goes beyond a snack sometimes. I have even memorised the sound of the creaking fridge door and the muffled snap, as it closes! I know that sound soooooooooooooooo well.
We’re all so hard on ourselves. Especially if we don’t achieve something. I’m especially hard on myself. I lost 1.6kg’s this week. Instead of feeling happy about it, I’ve continuously berated myself the whole week because I have so many kg’s still to go. Still such a looooooooooooong road ahead of me. So what…. enjoy each bite that you eat. Live it up. That’s what I think anyway….